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I have this memory.  

It was 2009.  Hubby and I went downtown one evening in December.  Just us and the little baby boy.  He was four months old and I wore him in one of those contraptions that attaches them to the front of you.

It was cold.  We put a cute stocking hat on him.  We roamed the streets and window shopped and Christmas shopped.  I remember buying a new set of pajamas from Victoria’s Secret.  It was the same year we surprised Mom and Dad and went home for Christmas.

I don’t remember anything else we purchased.  I don’t remember if we ate dinner or even the exact time of evening.  Hubby may not even remember the night at all.  It wasn’t any monumental experience.  It was a simple evening doing something out of the normal routine.

I just remember being so, so happy.  I was happy.  Hubby was happy.  Even the baby boy was giggly and happy.

It was a moment of significance.  

I don’t know why.  It just was.

I don’t have any clue why this memory keeps rolling around in my brain lately, but the closer we get to that same time of year, the more I replay that memory.

It felt like freedom and bliss.  School was out for the holidays.  Older daughter child was off with her mom leaving us with less responsibility.  We were preparing to hop a plane and see all of my family.

That moment was significant.  It is burned into my brain like a song on repeat.  Of course there are others, but this one is presently captivating my subconscious.

As Christmas grows closer and closer, I find myself looking for these moments of significance.  I’m not sure why, but I can’t seem to find them or even create them despite how hard I look and how desperately I try.

I am just hunting for that feeling.  Bliss.  Freedom.  Unadulterated happiness.  Significance.

Maybe I’ll find it in a random moment that I least expect.  Perhaps it will sneak up on me in a moment that I’m expecting to be mundane.

Out of the Blue

And then, there it was…and I knew, in that moment, that life was as it should be.

Tomorrow might bring more uncertainty, more stress, more tears over missing the past. 

But one thing’s for sure…hope lives even in uncertainty.

Be grateful, water your own grass,

…and drink coffee.

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2 Comments

  1. I remember that Christmas and how we were so surprised and happy when you surprised us. I miss seeing everyone this time of the year

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