Fearless

This past week, as I took my morning walk on my normal path through our neighborhood, something big dawned on me.

I was walking down one of the many streets in our neighborhood that line the woods and marsh.  I always catch myself looking out into the trees and wondering about the paths that I see worn through certain areas of the dense forest.

I wonder if there are kids who are brave enough to go play among the trees with the snakes that I know are lurking there.  

It dawned on me that once upon a time, I WAS that kid.  

I grew up on a farm with dirt and mud and trees that made great imaginary houses.  We had our fair share of poison ivy and rattlesnakes, but we also had places that BEGGED to be played in.  There were a few areas in particular that we used to make our “houses” when I was younger.  

We made mud pies and played all sorts of imaginary games in the branches of the big deciduous trees and under the protection of the evergreens. I bet you might still find a few teacups and toys if you ventured into those trees today.  You might even find some boards nailed to the trunk of a few trees that served our “stairs.”

This past week in my backyard, I almost stepped on a Copperhead.  

It terrified me, and now I am fearful with every step around my yard that I take.  But when I was younger on the farm?

I knew there were snakes…and poison ivy…and poison oak.  As well as ticks and spiders and mosquitoes. But we never cared, my siblings and friends and I.  We played in summer, spring, winter, and fall.  Snakes or not, we were exploring and imagining.

Sometimes I miss the freedom that comes with being fearless.  I wasn’t worried about how far away the hospital was or what would happen if I stepped on a snake.  

I existed and lived in that very moment. The pressures of tomorrow never crept in, and worry and fear were nonexistent. 

I miss being fearless.

These days, there is SO much that I fear.  I fear stepping on snakes in my backyard, of course, but there is so much more to fear than just snakes.

I fear that I’m not doing enough of what matters.  I fear that I’m not good enough—in my relationships, my work, my aspirations. I fear that I’m not setting a good example for my kids when I show weakness to my vices. I fear that life is passing me by while I worry about if I need to vacuum again or if my kitchen counters are dirty. I fear oversleeping, my house burning down due to some freak dryer issue and whether or not my house has mold growing inside because of the humidity here. 

But this weekend, I witnessed something that reminded me what life is all about.  I took my dancer daughter to a dance training event for a role that she has undertaken this year. She did not know a single soul in the room. Yet, she was excited, brave, and fearless.

She put herself out on the “stage” all weekend.  She made new friends, worked to impress the owner of the company, and spent long days learning.  

There were no snakes involved, but in the urban jungle that we both navigated, I think there were some big takeaways.

1. In life, snakes might come in many shapes and sizes. God will protect us from all of them if we just trust.
2. Doing new, scary things can be fun, and discovering new places is exciting.
3. When all else fails, just dance.

I know that I still have much to learn in life, but I think I will try to embrace fearlessness for a while.  While I don’t plan to explore any dense forest landscapes, I think there are plenty of areas of life to explore that don’t include snakes.

While we look for bravery, I’ll be over here with my coffee, cats, and books just trying avoid snakes.

Be grateful, water your own grass,

…and drink coffee.