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It hit me out of the cold December blue.  Epiphany.  

It’s time to let go.

I’m not sure why it took so long or why it hit when it did.  But one, “Gosh I miss you guys,” comment from a Facebook post hit me over their head like a log.

I miss you all SO MUCH, but I think maybe I get it now.  My dancer girl got it months ago, but it took me a while.

It’s time.  

I’ve been holding on so tightly because I loved it so much.  It was a season of life that I would play over and over and over for an eternity if I could.

But that’s not how life works.

So with that one comment, it hit me square in the face.  I had a purpose there in Arizona, and I fulfilled it well.

I brought my two year old toddler into a studio and she left a graceful dancer.  I walked in a stranger and left a friend.  I started out as a lone toddler mom and left with a trail of beautiful people behind me who love us, support us, cheer us on, and will always be our home.

But the truth is, I’ve been holding on too tightly.  I’ve been trying to live here, but in the past.  

I’m missing the bigger picture.

We took this opportunity to move as a chance to learn and grow.  I need to start.  The rest of my family has adapted, grown, and adjusted.  I am finally ready.

I see what I was missing.  I’m here because I’m supposed to be.  I’m here to make another mark somehow.  I get it now that it won’t be the same.

I won’t have the same dance mom tribe.  I won’t have the same experience as I had all those hours spent in the dance studio lobby.  But maybe that’s okay.  Maybe that’s not what I’m here for.  Maybe I’m here for some other purpose.

It’s time to let go.  I’m going to mourn it and cry like crazy, but I’ll learn and grow and find my new purpose here.

There will still be constants.  I can still look up into the night sky and see Cassiopeia.  I can still order my Venti Latte and stay up late writing ridiculously emotional things after drinking too much wine.

I can still write her name in all of her costumes, cry at all of the recitals, and over share all of the competition photos.  I can still count on all of you to cheer her on.  The cheers might be quieter from this far away, but I know they’ll still be there.

I’m not exactly sure how to let go since I’ve been holding on so tightly to you for eight years, but I’m going to try.  

I’m still here.  I’m still rooting for you.  I still need to see ALL the photos and videos, but I’m also going to open my mind to the future.

I’m going to learn new dance competition hair styles, stretch to define myself in a new way, and water the grass I’m looking at out my kitchen window.  I’m pretty sure it’s going to come back lush and green.

Be grateful (for the past and the present), water your own grass,

…and drink coffee.

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